


Mend Me

by fleen_snape



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 14:00:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20949497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleen_snape/pseuds/fleen_snape
Summary: At first James can't figure out why Sarah leaving him doesn't create any emotions in him. An injury in the middle of the night and a lot of time to think in the Emergency department later and he starts to figure it out. Jeremy Clarkson would seem to be the answer to most of the questions floating around James' head. What on earth is he going to do about it?





	Mend Me

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously don't own James or Jeremy or their shows. A work of fiction based on real people but nothing to do with them or their lives as they actually are.

James May stood leaning on the kitchen bench staring into the lounge as the kettle boiled. There was something seriously wrong with him. He was broken but not in the way he should be. He’d just got back to England from filming a Grand Tour segment with Jeremy and Richard, walked in the door and Sarah, his partner of 16 years, had been sitting on the couch waiting for him, all her stuff packed and waiting in the hall at the bottom of the stairs. She’d proceeded to calmly tell him that she had met someone through work, a dance teacher named Jeff, and grown close with him over the last year until one thing led to another and she found herself in the middle of a full-blown affair. He had sat in the armchair next to the couch and calmly taken the news in. He hadn’t batted an eyelid when she finished telling him she was leaving and how sorry she was that things had happened like this, sorry that she had cheated on him. He hadn’t batted an eyelid when she had kissed his forehead as she moved away from him. He hadn’t batted an eyelid when she let Jeff in to help her carry the last lot of her things to her car and his. He hadn’t batted an eyelid when she took her keys off the ring and laid them on the kitchen table with a metallic thud. He hadn’t batted an eyelid when she had given him a last look, turned and left his house for the last time, the front door shutting quietly but with determined finality. He just sat there, in his chair, staring at the TV and then at the bookcase with all his books of poetry and history, his records and DVDs, and now a gap where her things had been for the last few years. 

Sometime after she’d gone he heaved himself out of his chair and went to put the kettle on and that was how he found himself leaning against the bench, arms crossed, staring into the lounge. Yes, he was definitely broken. He should feel something, despair, self-pity, anger, confusion, maybe even love but there was only numbness. It was now around 5pm so he made his cup of tea, ordered a curry and sat back down with the tea and a couple of beers to watch Top Gear re-runs on Dave. He even laughed a bit at their antics, both at how they came across on film and the memories that came with them. After a few hours he made his way upstairs, dispassionately noticing the gaps on the cabinets and shelves where Sarah’s things had been as he showered. He went to bed early, blaming jetlag, and fell asleep quickly and dreamt of pleasant times spent overseas with Jeremy and Richard and their crew.

He awoke suddenly from a nightmare in the wee small hours, yelling and tangled in his sheets and sweat soaked, so startled he fell off the bed in his effort to get himself detangled as fast as possible. He landed heavily on his shoulder and felt it pop out of place. He groaned loudly and cursed repeatedly as he pulled his arm carefully into his chest and sat, breathing hard, against the side of the bed. He wondered idly what to do next and how to get help at this hour of the day without making the fuss of calling an ambulance, seeing as he wouldn’t be able to drive himself to a hospital now. He reached up with his good arm and grabbed the phone off the nightstand, texting the only person he knew that might be awake at this hour, _Awake? Could use a hand. J_

He continued to sit there on the floor against the bed and rested his head back on the bed, carefully so he didn’t wrench his shoulder muscles. _Talk about a rude awakening!_ he thought to himself. Shortly afterwards the phone rang and he looked at it briefly before answering, “Jezza.” 

“Christ May, it’s only been a few hours, couldn’t you cope without me for a whole day?,” Jeremy joked on the other end. Jeremy could _see_ James make a sarcastic face through the phone. 

James grimaced as a wave of pain hit. With gritted teeth he responded, “Shut up Clarkson, you oaf. I had a nightmare and fell out of bed, think I’ve dislocated my shoulder and you’re the only one I thought might be up at this time of day.” James wasn’t terribly surprised by the guffaw that came down the phone then.

“Only you, May. I’ll be there in 10,” Jeremy sounded fond. 

James reflected while he waited that with Sarah gone and he and Jeremy both single, Jeremy having brought the end of his marriage due to his own cheating, they’d probably be spending a lot of sad bachelor evenings together. _Depressing thought_ James sighed heavily and went back to laying his head on the bed, eyes closed. He couldn’t fall asleep again due to the aching in his shoulder and his butt was becoming quite numb so he listened hard for the door of his house being opened. 

Jeremy arrived and quickly entered James house with the key James had been given him as a spare for emergencies after Richard’s accident. He wasted no time getting to the stairs, flicking on lights as he went. He found James on the floor next to the bed, thankfully with long pajama pants on but no top. The bed was dishevelled in a very un-Maylike fashion. James cracked one eye open and waited for the dig he was sure was coming. Sure enough, Jeremy laughed, “You’re on the floor and you’ve called the man with the most dicky back in all of England to help you up. Well done, May.” 

“Har-har. Shut up and just help me, o supposed horse of a man,” he shot back. 

Jeremy grinned slightly and held out a hand to James to grab. Jeremy levered a groaning James up and steadied him with an arm around him as they came chest to chest. “Er, I guess I have to dress you now?”

James cringed, “God, no thanks, but I will probably need some assistance.” 

James moved to the dresser and got out a shirt, jeans, pants and socks and a jacket from the wardrobe before moving back to the bed, holding his arm to his chest the whole time. Jeremy suspiciously eyed the empty side of the bed, empty bedside table and empty space where Sarah’s chest of drawers had been but said nothing. James pretended not to notice him noticing and was grateful he didn’t act like himself and ask about it. He didn’t want to have that conversation now, if ever, really. He struggled to get the shirt over his head and got his good arm in then looked helplessly at Jeremy who shrugged and said “Just keep it where it is inside your top. It’s not like you had plans to use it for now anyway.” 

“Mmm.” James agreed. “Jeremy, sorry, but I don’t think I can do the rest.”

James was turning pink in the cheeks. Jeremy, pretending not to notice that too, came over to him, with greatly exaggerated mock exasperation and pulled James up to stand again. “It’ll be like dressing a man-sized baby but hopefully slightly more cooperative!” Jeremy joked as he dropped James’ sleep pants and helped him to sit again so he could put James’ clothes on his ankles ready to be pulled up. Jeremy knelt down on one knee and put the clothes on James, who was thoroughly embarrassed by it all. First a left sock, then a right sock, then his pants and finally his jeans went onto his body. 

Jeremy got off the floor with a bit of difficulty, which caused James to snort and quip, “This is like the blind leading the blind.” 

“But the broken helping the broken instead,” finished Jeremy for him. Both sniggered at that as Jeremy pulled James up again before grabbing the pants and pulling them and then the jeans into place. Jeremy hands brushed James’ privates as he did up the jeans. They both ignored it and James decided not to examine the fact that, despite the weirdness of the situation, he didn’t mind having Jeremy this close, dressing him surprising gently and accidentally brushing his cock. “Shoes?” Jeremy asked, picking up James’ jacket to take with them. 

“In the hall.” James confirmed. 

Jeremy picked up James’ phone from the bedside and put it in his own pocket before he led the way downstairs. Luckily the banister was on the right side for James uninjured arm so he had no trouble getting down the stairs to the seat in the hall where Jeremy was sitting so James could stand while his shoes got tied up. Save another episode of “old bastard gets stuck down on the floor”. Jeremy grabbed James’ keys and wallet from the hall table and deposited them in his pocket with the phone and James said, “Making free with my possessions, I see, Clarkson.” 

“Yep, you’ll just lose them. Here,” Jeremy replied simply holding out the jacket for James to put in his good arm before draping the jacket around the injured shoulder. James smiled gratefully and made for the door, which Jeremy locked behind them.

James was grateful to see that Jeremy had brought the Golf. Not too low like the Lamborghini or too high like the Range Rover that he was going to have difficulty getting in or out._Strangely considerate for Clarkson_ he thought to himself, getting in carefully. Jeremy leant over him to do up the seatbelt and pressed the hurt shoulder in the limited space created by their two beer bellies. James hissed. 

“Shit, sorry James.” Jeremy apologised turning his face towards James. 

“S’ok” James replied through gritted teeth, grateful for the stab of pain to distract him from the beauty of Jeremy’s piercing blue grey eyes that close to him. _Fucking fuck!_ James grumbled internally as Jeremy went around to the driver’s side and got in. 

The ride to hospital was short and neither talked much. Jeremy wanted to avoid talking about the obvious lack of Sarah and any of her belongings in the house until James wanted to talk about it. Pushing the issue would most likely get him a punch in the face. Jeremy hummed along to the radio in lieu of talking. They arrived without issue and Jeremy parked up and undid James belt before he got out. They walked into a fairly busy emergency department. This could be a long wait. 

James spoke with the triage nurse and Jeremy took a seat. James joined him a minute later holding out a clipboard with a form on it, saying, “Need help again, Jez.” Jeremy realised James had injured his writing arm. Jeremy rolled his eyes over-dramatically and took the clipboard and started to fill it in, occasionally asking for a detail he didn’t know. He confirmed the details of how the injury occurred and wrote on the form “Woke from nightmare and fell out of bed onto shoulder. Heard a large pop and felt eight out of ten pain.” James returned the completed form and came back to sit down. 

“James…” Jeremy looked over at him. 

“Jeremy,” James replied, getting ready for the Clarkson interrogation.

“If you want to talk, I’m happy to listen.” 

“I…thanks,” was all James said for a few minutes. Then he added, “Can I have my phone, please?” 

“Oh god, sure!” Jeremy fished it out of his pocket and handed it over. James started a round of battleship. Jeremy rolled his eyes and put his head back on the wall, eyes closed, arms folded and legs stretched out. He wasn’t going to sleep but he could at least rest. 

A while later James prodded Jeremy to open his eyes to let a young mother with a stroller and a sick baby past. He wasn’t playing battleships anymore, just sitting holding his phone in his good hand. Once the mother had gone past their area was deserted again and James said suddenly and without any warning, “Sarah left me.” 

“Fuck, James. I’m so sorry,” Jeremy replied genuinely.

James gave an ironical kind of huff and added, “For a dance teacher called Jeff.” 

“Pfft,” exclaimed Jeremy. “Sorry James, but he’s either fucking all the girls he teaches or a raging homosexual.” 

James laughed bitterly, “Well that’s as maybe, but as you well know I’ve often said I’m surprised she’s still been there all this time. Finally came to her senses.” 

“Rubbish James, you’re a great bloke. None of that talk!” Jeremy tried to reassure him, bumping his good shoulder as he said it. “What else did she say?” 

James replied on a sigh, “Er she said met him through work, didn’t mean for it to happen, sorry for cheating on me etc.” 

Jeremy sighed too, “James, are you ok?”

“To be honest Jeremy, I don’t really feel anything about it right now. Yeah it sucks to be cheated on but I saw from what happened with you and Francie that it sucks to be the cheater too. I guess we’ve drifted apart and I am away a lot so I don’t blame her and I certainly don’t want her to be unhappy. But as for the relationship being over, I’m not sure I feel anything except a sort of resignation to it. I’m surprised she stayed that long.” 

“Oh, James. I am sorry she’s left you and I’m sure you’ll feel lots of things when the initial numbness passes. We really must do something about your self-esteem though, mate.” Jeremy replied carefully patting James knee. James just gave him the side-eye and grunted. Jeremy went to go find a coffee machine. 

James pretended not to watch Jeremy walk away and decided now was as good time as any to think about things. Why did he feel basically nothing about the fact that Sarah had left him for another bloke? And another bloke she’d been sleeping with, no less. The truth was much more complicated than what he had told Jeremy but it was true they had drifted apart over time. Both had been away for work so often that the one left at home had just carried on their life without them till they came back. They would reconnect after the other came home but over the last year or so that had gradually dwindled from romantic nights out and an enthusiastic romp in the bedroom when they got home to maybe having dinner together and watching a movie on the couch before sex that ticked the boxes but didn’t light any great fires in either of them. 

She had said she’d gotten closer with Jeff about a year ago. James thought about the chronology and realised he’d been away on a three week shoot overseas at the time and the reconnection after trips away had become the half-arsed version they’d got into about that time. The rest of the time they were two people living basically separate lives in the same house. They slept in the same bed and then went their own ways for the rest of the day. James felt more emotion about the tragedy of what their relationship had become than about the fact that it was over. He wondered if his ability to be easily pleased with a night in on the couch instead of the romantic night out had sealed the deal. He had bored Sarah into another man’s arms. 

He knew it shocked people a little bit but he really meant it when he said he was surprised Sarah stayed around so long. He didn’t see himself as a particular catch. He was set in his ways. He was clean to a fault but happy to spend hours, or even days if he had the time, up to his elbows in grease and motorbike parts in the workshop. He was happy puttering about writing on the computer, or spending his evenings on the couch with the telly and a beer, or down the pub for the evening. He was full of information about engineering, toys, cars and bikes, the war and prog rock. Information most people couldn’t and didn’t give a toss about but he’d managed to be lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time and land the job on Top Gear, eventually. All of his success was thanks to one man, Jeremy Clarkson, who was currently walking back to him with two steaming paper cups. 

“Here, its tea.” 

Jeremy held out the cup towards his good hand and James took it with, “Thanks, Jez.” He expected it to be shit. It wasn’t perfect but it was pretty close to how he’d make it himself. Jeremy was looking at him expectantly, so he said “Passable.” Jeremy grinned and sipped what he could smell even from that far away was basically industrial strength coffee with about 12 sugars. “How do you know how to make tea just how I like it?” 

“Oh, come on James. We’ve worked together for 15 years now. It’s not like I haven’t known how you like your tea for many years now,” Jeremy scoffed. 

“Whenever you make me tea, it’s invariably shit,” James countered. 

“I just do that ‘cause it’s funny. You’re hurt now. I’m not going to be horrible just to continue the ruse,” Jeremy replied earnestly. 

James was silent for a minute before replying fondly “Pillock,” and hiding his smile in his tea cup. 

They sat silently side by side again for a while and James eventually went back to his musing. Jeremy Clarkson, his reassuring bulk next to James and his shoulder maybe slightly pressed against James’ good shoulder. James didn’t think he minded. Jeremy had only ever respected his personal space issues to a point and no further so he was used to these sorts of encroaches on his space. The seats weren’t really wide enough anyway. James thought back on the last few hours. The horrible nightmare, then fucking up his shoulder and knowing he was alone in dealing with it until he realised the jet lag and his general insomnia would mean Jeremy was most likely awake. He wasn’t alone in his singledom because Jeremy was in the same boat. 

With the realisations he’d made this evening, he was beginning to suspect that he could also figure out why he wasn’t as sad at the end of his relationship with Sarah as he ought to be. He didn’t realise it until now when he was reviewing his actions over the last year or so but he was starting to realise that when Sarah was away he’d been spending more and more of his time with Jeremy. They’d spent many evenings ordering in a curry, watching war films and drinking beer or wine on the couch at James’ house or at Jeremy’s flat and several nights down at James’ local pub, drinking, playing darts and talking shit with James’ friends before staggering back to James’ house, James to his room and Jeremy to the spare room. 

James realised he’d let his relationship with Sarah crumble at the same time as he’d been building another with Jeremy. And Sarah had done the same. He just hadn’t crossed any lines into cheating on her because he hadn’t even known he’d been doing it. Now he couldn’t hide from it anymore. He fancied Jeremy. _Shit, shit, shit._

James suddenly thought about Jeremy’s hand brushing his cock as he did up James’ jeans earlier and knew he was damned straight to Hell when he felt the beginnings of a fizz deep in his spine. _I need a cigarette right now._ He bumped Jeremy and said “Need a fag.” He waited while Jeremy fished one out for him and handed it and a lighter over. “Give us a yell if they call me.” 

Jeremy merely replied with “Mmm” and a raise of his eyebrows in acknowledgement. James walked outside and over to the smoking area and lit up, grateful Jeremy had his things or he’d still be struggling to get the pack out of his pocket. He inhaled a few puffs and felt calmer. 

The problem wasn’t that he was attracted to a man, that wasn’t a particularly new thing. It was that it was Jeremy, his best friend and colleague. If he did anything about this and it went badly he could fuck a lot of things up for a lot of people. He thought about the crew, the three of them and Andy, the show itself. God, what a mess. _Dammit May, couldn’t just keep your 15 year relationship going and not end up fancying Jeremy fucking Clarkson, could you? What a colossal idiot, you are!_

His self-flagellation was interrupted by a tall figure exiting the emergency department doors and making their way over to him. “You’re supposed to stay in there so we know if they call me.” 

“Pah, they know who you are James. They’ll either wait or come get you.” He lit up and James tried hard not to watch his hands working the lighter or his lips closing around the filter of the cigarette. _Brilliant. Jealous of a cigarette now,_ James thought with an internal huff at his own silliness. 

“Fine.” James acquiesced. 

“Are you alright, James? You seem to be doing some very deep thinking in there.” Jeremy asked, vaguely gesturing in the direction of James head. 

“Yes, I’m ok, just trying to figure out how things got that way with Sarah and all. And also trying to process the nightmare that made me do this.” he gestured to his arm. 

“What was it about?” Jeremy asked, taking a drag of his cigarette. 

James sighed explosively. “Right, don’t laugh ok?” 

“I’ll try.” Jeremy promised. _That’ll have to do. Because he will laugh._ James stared at a point straight in front of him instead of looking at Jeremy and began. 

“Ok, so I was standing on the top of a building knowing I had to jump off. I didn’t want to but I somehow knew that I was supposed to. I just wanted someone to come stop me and then you and Richard came out of the elevator to stop me. Before you could get to me Sarah appeared next to me and pushed me off but I fell into a giant pile of leaves in a forest so I wasn’t hurt. I called out and heard you calling me as if from a long way away so I called back and made my way towards you but I never got to you despite getting closer. I ended up trapped in some vines in the middle of a forest, calling for you and crying but you didn’t answer anymore. Then I woke up yelling and tangled up in my sheets and fell out of bed.” 

Jeremy didn’t laugh. James looked over at him and saw a look of profound sadness on Jeremy’s face. He moved over to James and carefully hugged him, holding on for a minute. James put his good arm around Jeremy’s back and laid his head on Jeremy’s shoulder until he broke the hug. It felt good to be hugged by Jeremy. Jeremy sounded choked up when he said “Wow, James. I’m so sorry you’re going through all this but I hope you know that I’d do everything I could to save you. You called me and I came so your dream was wrong ‘cause I’m here.” Coming from Jeremy it sounded like a declaration of intent to James. Reassurance for him that Jeremy was there for him whenever he was needed or wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Work in progress. Working on another large fic so will get back to this later but figured I'd post it in the meantime anyway.
> 
> Let me know if you like it. Cheers for reading!


End file.
